Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
that is very illegal...i love you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
