Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
