I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
