glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize