think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
