and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The adults are the big ones right?
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