her facebook's as public as her vagina
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
