We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
