my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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