I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
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Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
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You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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