If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
