Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
