Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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