Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
