Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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