Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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