You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
