you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
