dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
