conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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