I cockslap morals
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
