jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
