im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
