We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
