His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
