Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I will pee on everything he values.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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