I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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