When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
