A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
