A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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