He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize