I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
worst night to have a conscience
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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