Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
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Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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