wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
