I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
