my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You may now shotgun with the bride
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
