Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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