Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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