There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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