I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
