Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
