Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
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see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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