So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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