Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
we should paint friendship bongs
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