i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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