I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
