Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
