If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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