Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
