I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
