could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He? As in you personified your dick?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
