she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
