Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
