dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
