what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
