1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
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this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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