so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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