thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
