Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
