after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
