he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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