were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
