Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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