Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
