i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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