dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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