Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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