i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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