ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
