Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize