The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
