things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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