So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
