why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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