pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
