At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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