She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My ass is underappreciated
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
